Do I need to Grieve?
My husband passed away at the age of 44, and people might assume that I have been grieving for a while, or perhaps I still am. To be honest, the first year wasn’t easy. I had to handle almost all the paperwork on my own; although my brother-in-law and his partner helped as much as they could, they lived quite far away, so technically, I had to manage most of the paperwork alone. Even though I wasn’t confident in my English skills, it took at least half a year to sort everything out. It was extremely challenging and mentally draining; it was exhausting, but My English has improved significantly lol. I knew it would come to an end if I persisted. I never stopped. I could have just complained about my situation and made excuses not to do anything, telling everybody I was grieving, but I wanted to get done what needed to be done. It felt like working in an office every day.
During this time, I thought a lot about the children—I didn’t want them to feel lonely without their father or become depressed in such a terrible situation. I had to protect and support them as much as possible; I am their only parent now. They rely on me, and their lives depend on me. John used to handle everything for me, dealing with the kids’ school and financial situations. He took care of whatever needed to be dealt with. Now I have to do them all. I’m not particularly extroverted, but I have to do it for my children. I strive for the best outcome for them. My goal is for them to become independent and happy being themselves; that’s all I want and I keep working on it.
Don’t get me wrong. We get along very well together. We haven’t had any problems in our relationship. We both respect, cherish, and love each other. We knew we were the best for each other.
What I can do next?
To make my life easier in the UK, I continue studying English and invest time in learning something for my future. I used to be a web developer in Japan, so I started catching up on Full-stack development knowledge through Coursera online courses. Additionally, I completed my Maths GCSE in 2022-23 (Achieved Grade 8). My mother-in-law complained that I study too much, saying I don’t spend enough time with the children. I responded, ‘That’s why Grandma lives near us.’ She said, ‘They don’t want me.’ I realized she doesn’t want to help us. Ok, we are on our own.
I couldn’t explain why I am like this. Why don’t I grieve? Do I need to grieve?
By chance, I came across Alfred Adler’s Teleology theory. That’s it! I always think like this. That’s why I am generally happy and positive. I’m always thinking about the future; figuring out how to achieve it.”
If you are interested in Teleology theory, please check these books. This theory is for making your life easier; just approach a way differently ,and tell you how to do it. This method is make your life incredibly easier.
Teleology: Adler’s theory is teleological, meaning it emphasises purpose and goal-directed behaviour. He believed that individuals are forward-looking, motivated by a future-oriented goal. That understanding these goals is crucial for understanding their behaviour.
Alfred Adler Vol.1 (4 Books):
What Life Could Mean To You, The Pattern of Life, The Science of Living, Problems of Neurosis
https://amzn.to/48YCY3g (Amazon UK)
The Practice and Theory of Individual Psychology:
https://amzn.to/41Z0NpH (Amazon UK)
Social Interest:
Adler’s Key To The Meaning Of Life
https://amzn.to/3O9gu7P